So, I kind of went on a blind date last week. I knew very little about the gentleman I met. He contacted me though Facebook Messenger and asked me out. I declined twice, before reconsidering when he told me he enjoyed cooking vegetarian food. I would normally have been firm with my no, based on the approach and content of conversation. However, I challenged myself to step into a space of possibility and do something out of the ordinary (for me).
At the end of the “date” he asked for a review of our encounter. I was frank and said we got along well, but I felt no chemistry. To be honest, he was somewhat charming enough to entertain me with the odd dad joke and a magic trick but I’m in need of more mental stimulation… being a sapiosexual and all.
I definitely give him points for trying. The date simply lacked energy for me; it lacked pizazz. I felt no spark or desire to find out everything about him. We met at a grungy pub in Brunswick which unfortunately set the mood I think. Makes me wonder if he’d receive a better review if we’d eaten somewhere nicer. Thankfully the meal was tasty and filling and I was greatly impressed that he actually chose a venue that catered for my dietary preferences.
Definitely five stars for effort. I thought there were some areas of improvement which could take his dating style from ‘ok’ to ‘smooth operator’, especially if he really wanted to impress someone fussy like me. If he ever reads this blog, here’s my top tips for lifting your dating game buddy. (I think these tips can be applied to life in general, what do you think?)
- 1. Arrive on time, or a bit early. This shows a level of integrity to be someone of your word and gives a sense of reliability and dependability. Maybe book a table too, or arrange to meet somewhere specific like at the bar. For our meeting, I entered, phoneless, and a little lost.
- 2. Don’t smoke; period. While he didn’t duck off for “some fresh air” during our catch-up, once I’d discovered that he was a smoker, my mind closed to the possibility of any future with him. Although he didn’t smell like smoke, I knew his little secret because he pulled out a lighter to light the candle on the table (also sweet). At that moment I kicked myself for doing zero screening. For those of us who value health, and prefer the idea of a future excluding nursing someone with COPD, you’d be best to kick that habit to extend your life and dating options.
- 3. If you’re trying to impress me, at least offer to pay for my meal. I’ll likely say no and pay for myself, ’cause I’m fiercely independent, but if you play the times-three-game, on which the third time you insist on paying, I’ll cave and secretly think you’re awesome. Offering to pay gives your date a sense that you’ll be nurturing if a relationship was to develop post date.
- 4. Be confident even if you’re not. People don’t want to spend half a conversation reassuring you that you’re not boring. You’re. Not. Boring. Keep your date engaged by asking questions to keep conversation flowing. Avoid being boring by planning a few topics of conversation before meeting; topics that anyone would have an opinion on. Nothing too serious. Light conversation with some banter is a great way to start, until feeling more comfortable to disclose personal information. (See the Mojo Mingle Facebook book wall for many examples of conversation starters)
- 5. Keep your phone off the table. Don’t take it out and look at it while on a date. Certainly don’t text someone while your date is sitting there with you, especially if they’ve driven over an hour to spend time with you. If there’s an urgent communication that needs to be delivered on your phone, ask permission first. It’s just polite.
What dating tips can you offer to add to this list?