5 Real Reasons Why Successful Professionals Are Likely To Be Single This Valentine’s Day.
Wondering why you’re still single despite success in other areas of your life? In my years of observing singles at social gatherings, and by reflecting on my own journey as a career-focussed woman navigating the dating world, I’ve come to recognise five distinct reasons why myself, and other singles, seem to remain unattached despite wanting someone special in our lives.
Here’s my findings and some possible solutions:
1. We’re task oriented; less people focussed.
We’re driven by values such as success, strong work ethic, achievements and goals. Being in a relationship has simply had less of a priority than finishing that job or ticking off the to-do-list.
Common phrase: “I don’t have time for dating. I’m so busy (doing all my tasks)”.
Solution: outgoing-task-focussed singles make quick decisions. They recognise value and jump on opportunities that are logically appealing. They love experiences like speed-dating when it comes to meeting singles. They don’t want to waste time with conversations that go nowhere on apps.
Common request in apps: “Let’s just meet up for a coffee and see if we click in real life.”
Try: This coming Valentine’s Day jump into the FilterOff app (free) and RSVP to attend the “Meet My Valentine” event. Access code: OPENMINDSET
Enjoy 3 minute video-chats with local singles. Tips: use curious questions and be mindful of active listening. Try not to judge or compare your mini-dates to people you’ve met in the past. Practice the art of building rapport in a short amount of time.
New task: Allocate more time to finding love: add that as a checkbox to your daily lists.
2. We’re using the wrong filters.
Most singles use demographic filters such as age, location and height to find their match. Do these attributes make for a great partner?
Smart singles would be better off using filters such as values, interests and life goals to find a compatible match.
New task: Make a list of what’s important to you in a partner eg someone who: communicates, is reliable, maintains a healthy lifestyle. Then consider, where to find these people? In the workplace, at a gym or sports club or at niche social gatherings.
Try: curated singles events such as Offline Valentine to really focus your search for someone compatible.
3. A lack of confidence or low self-worth.
When we neglect to recognise our own value we fail to shine. When we doubt ourself, others pick-up on this low energy and may not see us as potential-partner-material.
It’s time to boost your mojo, to recognise how amazing you are; and to realise what you can offer in a relationship.
Task: Think of at least ten reasons why someone would want to date you. What’s in it for them? Write a list of all the ways you have been, or can be, a great partner for someone.
Maybe you’re due for an upgrade or service: perhaps you could take cooking lessons, a comedy improv class, do a massage course or see a life coach.
I highly recommend reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman to boost your confidence by understanding multiple ways you can show and receive love. Oh, and study up on “The Platinum Rule” to give your next relationship an even better chance of success.
4. Communication skills are sub-par.
Majority of singles prefer face-to-face conversations yet avoid approaching people in public.
Simply observe people on public transport: they’ll likely be looking at a screen than striking up conversations with those around them.
Why? Striking up a conversation with someone new can be challenging; it’s a skill-set which has to be practised in order to build confidence doing that.
What we see is many singles resorting to apps as a tool to meet, and hopefully connect with, people… and complaining about the results.
Why keep using apps then?
Well, apps can help keep users in their comfort zone. There’s little risk, effort or brain work required to swipe and start a conversation with “Hey”, or a system generated ice-breaker.
The trick to scoring an actual date is good communication skills. They’re necessary for success in apps and in life.
When you can strike up an engaging conversation with someone, ask the right questions and show a genuine interest in understanding them, rapport is created and people become more open to the invitation of a date.
Again, use the FilterOff app’s fortnightly Global Date nights to test and practice your skills.
Can you create rapport in 3 minutes or less? If not, practice makes perfect.
I highly recommend taking my workshop titled “The Art of Quick Connections” to polish up your communication skills and boost your confidence. This workshop has been specifically designed for those who wish to actually connect with people at social events, singles gatherings or social networking events.
Fear holds us back from achieving our goals; from fulfilling our dreams.
It can show up in many ways such as laziness, tardiness, procrastination, excuses, nervousness, anxiousness, avoidance etc
Maybe you have a fear of commitment eg “What if I commit to this person and someone better comes along?”
Or, maybe you have a fear of abandonment? Eg “What if I fall in love with this person and they leave me?”
Maybe you have a fear of getting things wrong #perfectionist Eg “I’m not sure if this is the right person for me so rather than explore the relationship, I’ll avoid it so I won’t get it wrong”.
Susan Jeffers has an excellent read for you: “Feel The Fear & Do It Anyway.” This book can help adjust your mindset so you see that even if things don’t work out as planned, there’s still a valuable life lesson to be learned.
Of course there’s many other reasons why singles may end up spending Valentine’s Day enjoying a dinner for one.
By starting with an awareness of these five major barriers to partnership we can begin to overcome them and in turn this opens ourselves up to finding love for the long-term.
To meet up with quality singles in relaxed environments, such as dinners and outdoor activities, check out our Mojo Mingle events by clicking the button below.