It’s convenient, no strings, no commitment and it’s always on call.
There’s no need to go out of your comfort zone, it’s a phone call away, and it gets delivered to your doorstep, but is the convenience of takeaway sex killing connection?
Mojo Mingle founder, Sarah, says takeaway sex has never been her thing, in fact, she didn’t know what it was. “It’s a turn off when someone expects that from me. I’m only interested in sex with someone when I have a close connection.”
She prefers to meet people in an experiential setting and get to know them before making a beeline for the bedroom.
That makes me wonder, could takeaway sex be a stepping stone to release a pattern of emotional unavailability?
Takeaway sex is a big fan of the bedroom, it rarely gets introduced to friends or finds its way out of house. Being on someone’s takeaway menu feels a bit like being kept secret. You might talk about your experiences with close friends, but you’re not likely to introduce your takeaway options to your mother.
It’s like the Uber Eats for sexual appetite, but the only single use items in question are the condoms.
People who love sex tend to order more takeaway as a source of connection, particularly if they aren’t getting their needs met in a relationship.
Another friend of mine has been pretty content with her takeaway selection as a source of intimate connection. “It just was what it was, and I was happy with that.” She enjoyed their company.
“Marcello was an awesome friend and lover, he helped me through some stuff too,” she says.
Takeaway sex is available on her doorstep in an hour, but somewhere along the way, it’s lost its appeal.
“Alex is a spunk, very funny, but the sex became more about him,” she says.
For her, false promises and talking shit took some of the trust out of the transaction, and taking takeaway sex off the table has become a way of weeding out what isn’t in alignment.
She’s turned the corner. “I’m now wanting to find someone to commit to… a partnership… I’ve been single for 5 years! It’s time.”
If vulnerability is the birthplace of connection, as storyteller researcher Brené Brown reveals in her TED talk, takeaway sex may take away some of the courage of the whole hearted. This was the reason I finished it with a guy I was seeing last year.
When he said he loved the sex, but wasn’t available to me emotionally, it was a rude shock, especially when he had the word “connection” written on his whiteboard. Apparently he was into emotional connection, just not with me.
Takeaway sex can subvert connection by building walls in place of basic human decency. If there’s no emotional connection no-one feels bad about walking away without an explanation, not keeping their word, ghosting, leaving in the middle of the night, never calling, only booty calling or standing someone up.
Even if you care about someone, seeing those patterns in them can leave you feeling pretty disillusioned by dating.
For me, taking takeaway sex off the table turned up the trust in the connection. It created a sustainable sex solution, and built the grounds for something more fulfilling.
When my man friend told me that he was done with takeaway sex his sex appeal skyrocketed.
He says “It wasn’t adding anything to my life, and it was taking away from other priorities.”
We were just friends at that point. I was attracted to him, but he’d hooked up with my friend and I wasn’t so sure she’d be down with me dating him. Trust is imperative to establish an emotional connection, so I wanted to check in with her before pursuing anything more.
“Babe, go for it,” was her response.
Bringing back the emotional connection is like being reunited with your luggage when it’s been lost in transit on an international flight. The feeling of relief is amazing.
Talk about a close call.
Takeaway sex didn’t kill connection, it brought it closer by freeing up people who weren’t right for each other emotionally, and satisfying something more physical in the process.
I got myself a keep cup, because for my sexual appetite, single use sex sucks.
What’s your experience of takeaway sex? We’d love to hear how you feel about being on the takeaway menu?
By Amorenda Bridgland
Amorenda is all about embodiment. A continuous learner, she’s been exploring the boundaries of intimacy in the context of conscious sexuality for the better part of a decade. She practices holistic bodywork, shamanic dance, partnership coaching and spiritual counselling. She offers a collaborative toolkit for transformation program in Brunswick.
She loves the skin she’s in.